


McKirk Drabble Collection

by offensiveagentpie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Drabble Collections, Drabbles, Fluff, Kisses, M/M, Tumblr Prompts, each chapter will have it's own notes, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-03-13 06:53:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 14,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3371939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offensiveagentpie/pseuds/offensiveagentpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of all my shorter McKirk tumblr prompts.</p><p>Each chapter will be a different drabble.  And I'll keep adding them as I write them on tumblr.</p><p>If you have any prompts you'd like to see, McKirk or otherwise, I'm always willing to take them! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “I’ve got the lube and strawberries, we’re all set!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Valentine's Day prompt for [gowashthelights](http://gowashthelights.tumblr.com).
> 
> Prompt: McKirk - “I’ve got the lube and strawberries, we’re all set!”
> 
> Can also be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/111174332630).

-oOo-

It has been an incredibly long and exhausting 8 days. If Leonard had woken up the previous Thursday knowing that the planet they were exploring contained a plant based flu strain, he would have resigned. Because dealing with this many sick crewman all while working on a brand new, never before used vaccine, is honestly the most taxing thing he’s ever been through.

For now though, he’s wearily sitting desk, barely able to sit up straight without his tense muscles screaming at him. On his COMM screen, Christopher Pike is listening intently as Leonard gives him a run down of events.

"In the end, sir, the vaccine my crew and I were able to create not only halted the rate of infection, but helped ease and eliminate the symptoms of those already sick," he finishes, voice sounding as tired as he feels.

Pike smiles at him as the report ends. “Thank you, Doctor,” he says officially, before he switches to a more personal tone. “And honestly Leonard, you’ve definitely been granted some down time. In fact, I’ll happily sign off on leave forms for the whole Medbay if you’d like…”

Leonard is about to happily agree to the offer when his door swishes open. 

"Bones!" Jim’s voice rings through is cabin. "Shift is over and you need official relaxation time, Captain’s orders," he swings around the partition that separates Leonard’s living quarters from his desk, shirtless. "I’ve got the lube and strawberries, we’re all set."

Leonard stares blankly at him over the top of the monitor, his face slowly going as red as the bowl of strawberries that Jim is holding.

Pike’s laughter rings out loud and long from the screen. Jim’s jaw drops open. “Is that PIKE?”

Hiding his face in his hand, Leonard nods, too embarrassed to meet Pike’s eyes again.

"Well, with a day off like that, don’t let me keep you any longer," the admiral says, still laughing.

Leonard nods again as the screen goes dead.

Awkward silence fills the room, Jim chews his lip and looks over. “So, are you going to kill me? Or are we going to go ahead as planned?”

Overcome with a fit of crazed laughter that only ever comes with being sleep deprived, Leonard eventually makes his way across the room. He takes a strawberry from the bowl and chews it thoughtfully. When he’s done, he kisses Jim slowly enough for the blond to taste the sweet juice still lingering on his lips.

"I’m guessing the plan’s a go," Jim says breathlessly.

Leonard just chuckles and drags him to the bed.


	2. "That’s the least romantic thing anyone has ever said to me…"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day prompt for tumblr user [jksketchy](jksketchy.tumblr.com).
> 
> Prompt: McKirk - "That’s the least romantic thing anyone has ever said to me…" 
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/110901522120).

Leonard McCoy is currently standing at his dorm room door, staring at his best friend who is standing drunkenly in the hallway.

“Did I wake you up?” Jim whispers, suddenly concerned as he takes in Leonard’s spaced out, but still grumpy expression.

“It’s quarter after two in the god forsaken morning, Jim. Ain’t anyone ever up this early.”

“You get more Georgia when you’re sleepy,” Jim says matter-of-factly.

Leonard rolls his eyes and steps aside. “Get in here and shut up. What happened tonight?” he asks. Jim only ever comes over drunk when something is really weighing on his mind.

Jim wobbles over to Leonards’ bed and flops down. “Did you know it’s Valentine’s Day?”

“Technically yesterday was.”

“Don’t be pedantic, Bones.”

“You’re drunk enough to forget Valentine’s Day, but you remember the word pedantic?” Leonard says sitting on the bed as well, shoving Jim over to make room.

“Didn’t forget, just…just got to thinking. Everyone at the bar was either a couple or was there to get drunk enough to forget they’re not with someone. And I thought: Man, am I really part of the second group? Like, I go on dates and stuff, but I’m never really a part of a couple, y’know? And that kind of bites. I’m completely romantic, why shouldn’t I be?”

Leonard sighs as he listens to Jim’s ramblings, it’s best to just humor the man. “I don’t know.”

Jim hums in either agreement or thought. “I am though, I see someone I like,” he pauses and sits up to stare Leonard in the eye. “And I say something like: You’re freaking gorgeous, I wanna kiss your face off your face.”

He says it with such honest sincerity that Leonard can’t help but laugh. And boy does he laugh. “Jim, that’s the least romantic thing anyone has ever said to me…”

Jim starts to laugh as well. When they’ve finally calmed down, Jim squirms against Leonard’s side, cuddling up to him. “S’true though,” he murmurs against Leonard’s shoulder.

Even as sleep tugs at his eyes, Leonard’s pulse speeds up. “You’re drunk, Jim.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” he says quietly, draping an arm over Leonard’s chest and falling asleep.

—

They’re still tangled together when they wake up the next morning. Leonard rolls his eyes. It’s happened plenty of times before, they’ve shared a bed loads of times…however, Jim’s drunken words are still buzzing around in his head as he fights his way out of bed. He can’t say that he minds them though.

After Jim wakes up and is jabbed with Leonard’s best ‘I told you you’d have a hangover, be thankful I’m giving this to you’ hypo, there’s a moment of loaded silence.

“So…I’m sober now and I definitely still want to kiss your face off of your face,” he says with a small smile.

“I’m awake now and that’s still the least romantic thing that anyone’s ever said to me…”

Jim huffs a laugh. “That’s not a ‘no’.”

Leonard leans down and presses a kiss to his lips. “It definitely isn’t.”


	3. “Oh, so you’re my secret admirer?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day prompt for tumblr user [iseult-1124](http://iseult-1124.tumblr.com).
> 
> Prompt: McKirk - "Oh, so you're my secret admirer?"
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/110814723805).
> 
> This one is set in a Modern Hospital AU.

Leonard finds the first note tucked in the grate of his locker. The folded yellow sticky note flutters to the ground as he slides on his lab coat. Written on it are the words: I wish I was your coronary artery, so that I could be wrapped around your heart.

He stares at it for a moment, confused before letting out a snort of laughter. Not knowing what else to do, he tucks it into his coat pocket and heads out to do his rounds.

When he grabs his first patient’s chart, he finds another sticky note clamped to the clipboard with the records. This one reads: Are you epinephrine? Because baby you make my heart race. Followed by a little doodle of a heart and a winking smiley face.

Leonard laughs again, looking both ways in the hall way. Various nurses are shuffling around doing their work, including the cute blond from trauma. He catches his eye and the blond gives him a shy smile before turning to head down the hall. Leonard lets his gaze linger a little longer than he should on the well-fitting black scrub pants the man is wearing before heading into the exam room.

The next clipboard has a note too: Has your gluteus maximus been dipped in sugar? Because you have a sweet ass.

He laughs out loud at that one, catching a passing orderly by surprise.

When he’s done with his rounds, he finds one pinned to the bulletin board on his office door. You should smile more often, it might put the sun out of its job, but it would be worth it.

This one is hardly on the same level as the others, it feels much more personal. Leonard’s face goes beet red as he shuts the door behind him.

A half an hour later, Leonard hears faint scribbling on his door. Walking over, he opens the door only to have two hands - one holding a note and the other holding a pen - collide into his chest after having their writing surface taken away.

“Uh…”

It’s the cute blond from trauma. He’s staring at Leonard with his eyes wide and his face glowing pink.

“Oh, so you’re my secret admirer?” Leonard says around a grin.

The man rubs the back of his neck and looks down awkwardly. “Yep, that’d be me, I was about to leave the big one,” he says, handing Leonard the sticky note he’d been writing on.

I’m not an optometrist, but I’d love to get lost in your eyes. Dinner tonight? –Jim, from T.

Leonard reads it and raises an eyebrow. “I’d love to, Jim.” 

Jim sags with relief. “Really?”

Leonard smiles. “Yeah, though…” he pauses, looking at Jim critically. “I thought for sure your initials would be COPD, because you take my breath away.” It’s cheesy as hell, but he can’t help himself.

Jim’s blush is totally worth it.


	4. "So, is there anyone you’re secretly crushing on?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day prompt for tumblr user [enginerdable](http://enginerdable.tumblr.com).
> 
> Prompt: McKirk - "So, is there anyone you're secretly crushing on?"
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/110741318435).

"Christine," Jim says, apropos of nothing, as he sits down across the table from McCoy.

"What about her?" he asks around a bite of chicken sandwich.

"She’s the girl you’re after, am I right?" 

McCoy actually snorts out loud. “What on earth, Jim? She’s been in a long term relationship for years now, she’s like my sister…”

Jim wrinkles his nose in thought. “Okay, Janice from our diplomacy class?”

McCoy stares at him dumbfounded. “Seriously Jim, what the—”

"No? Gaila?"

"Not my type — Jim why—"

"Oh my god, Uhura?”

"I don’t have a death wish. Jim seriously, shut up for a second. What on earth is this all about?"

Jim eyes him critically, munching on a french fry. “You’ve been awfully…well…not happy, but not as grouchy lately. Rumor has it that you’re crushing on someone,” he says with a smirk.

Heat floods up the back of McCoy’s neck. “I’m gonna kill Geoff,” he murmurs.

"HA!" Jim cries, pointing a fry at McCoy. "I knew it…so who are you secretly crushing on?"

"Oh right, like I’m just gonna come right out and tell you."

"Okay, so let’s say I just ask a bunch of questions and see if I can guess?"

McCoy wants to argue, but knows a lost cause when he sees it. And hell, if Jim finds out this way, well…at least it saves him from telling him outright.

"Fine," he says through his teeth.

Jim looks positively gleeful as he wiggles in his seat. “Okay, since I’ve gone through like, every girl we both know and hang out with, do I know her?”

"No."

Jim pouts. “Well where’s the fun in that? I’ll never be able to guess if I don’t know—”

"You know him.”

There’s a beat of silence as Jim processes this, his eyes grow wide. “Fuck, Bones…GARY?”

"Jesus CHRIST! I’ll throw up my lunch, please stop."

Jim sits back in his chair, profoundly relieved. “Thank god, I’d have to disown you. Hmm,” he places a hand on his chin. “Can’t be Geoff, if he spread the information… what about that cute kid from our flight class? Hikaru?”

"Nope," Bones shakes his head.

"Do you see him often?"

"Every day."

Jim puckers his lips wiggles them in thought. McCoy absolutely does not stare at them.

"Do I see him everyday too?"

"Yep."

"Brunette?"

"Nope."

"Blond?"

"Yes."

It takes another moment, but eventually goes blank in a combination of wonder and shock. McCoy’s pulse skyrockets. He has to have figured it out.

"Um…blue eyes?"

"Very."

"Pain in your ass?"

"The worst."

"…been in love with you since spring semester of first year?"

McCoy yanks his gaze up from his tray and sees Jim looking at him, cheeks red. His mouth is hanging open and he can’t stop staring.

"Yeah," Jim says in confirmation. "So uh…did I guess right? Or am I about to make the biggest fool of myself?"

"You’re right."

"Oh thank god," Jim sighs in relief and all but climbs on the table to lean over and kiss McCoy within an inch of his life.


	5. Earlobe Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a kissing meme. McKirk earlobe kiss for [isuelt-1124](http://isuelt-1124.tumblr.com).
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/108077085130).

Jim throws his hands up in the air and leans back over the top of his desk chair. His neck and back immediately pop as he stretches, he couldn’t hold back the groan he lets out if he tried.

"You dying over there?" Bones’ voice drifts over to him from the living area.

"Feels like it," he answers. "Four hours, Bones. I’ve been at this for four hours, and I just freaking realized that I probably won’t be able to walk again because, in those four hours, I haven’t left this damn chair. Studying sucks and I hate it," he adds with a whine.

He hears Bones get up from the sofa and walk over. Within moments, heavy hands land on his shoulders and dig in hard, rubbing at the knots that have formed there.

Jim’s moan at that is obscene. “Christ, Bones.”

Behind him, Bones leans down, breathing hot against his ear. “Tell you what, since you’ve been good and worked so hard,” he pauses, taking Jim’s earlobe between his lips, pulling lightly on it with his teeth. Heat pools hot and low in Jim’s stomach. “How about you take a break and I’ll give you a real reason not to be walking?”

Jim’s chest heaves out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He slams the book on the desk shut and eagerly follows as Bones heads for the bedroom…how the hell can he say no to that?


	6. Lizard Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a kissing meme. McKirk lizard kiss for [kirkandbones](http://kirkandbones.tumblr.com)
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/108074155270).

Jim Kirk is a strategist. In fact he’s a damn good strategist. It’s what got him through the academy in record time, with record scores. It’s a huge part of what’s kept him in his position of youngest Captain in Starfleet history. It’s a natural part of how he sees the world…

That being said, when it comes to Bones, Jim is basically a damn genius.

Years of friendship have enabled him to get to know Bones better than he’s known anyone in his life. And the past few months of being in an actual relationship have deepened their bond and Jim’s knowledge even further.

Which is why Jim knows, all too well, how Bones is when it comes to waking up in the morning. And when it comes to waking up Bones prefers to do it on his own time which, if given the choice, usually falls naturally somewhere around noon.

Bones, of course, is a doctor. At any given time, he is ready to spring into action. If an alarm were to go off at this very second, Bones would ignore his preferences and wake up, instantly capable of saving someone’s life. But this is not the case, at least not today. There are no alarms to be had in the bedroom of Jim’s Iowa farmhouse…and there won’t be anytime soon. They’ve got a blessed 3 weeks of shore leave, and even though it’s taking place in the depth of winter, Jim wants to make the most of it.

“Bones,” he whispers, prodding at Bones’ shoulder. The doctor’s face is buried into the pillow next to Jim’s. 

Nothing happens. So Jim jostles his shoulder a little harder…still nothing.

Eventually, he pushes enough for Bones to grunt and roll over onto his back. He crooks his arm over his eyes and Jim chuckles, wiggling around until he’s plastered over Bones’ chest.

“Rise and shine, Bonesy boy. I’m going to make us the biggest damn breakfast…you’ll lecture me for days over the calories.”

Bones exhales strongly through his nose in response, but makes no move whatsoever beyond that.

Jim pouts his lips and thinks. It doesn’t take long before a simple plan formulates. He begins by pressing light kisses over Bones’ chest, lingering a little longer on the line of his collar bone. By the time he makes his way to Bones’ throat, the man is at least breathing a little heavier.

But, like the stubborn man he is, he’s still not fully awake; so Jim continues on with his plan. He stops with a kiss just below his bottom lip, watching with a smile as Bones puckers his lips ever so slightly. When their lips finally do meet, Jim waits a moment for Bones to part his and then seizes his chance.

His tongue flickers, quick and sharp between Bone’s lips, pressing fleetingly against Bone’s tongue. It feels weird, almost ticklish.

Bones freezes beneath him and Jim stops, sitting back to find him peering out from beneath his arm, staring at Jim like he’s grown a second head. 

“The hell was that?” he grumbles, voice still rough with sleep, but his cheeks are pink and Jim counts it as a victory.

He can’t help laughing at Bones’ bewildered expression. “I had to wake you up somehow. I mean, really Bones, shore leave or not, you sleep like a rock.”

Bones huffs and says, a tad petulantly, “Nothing wrong with rest and relaxation.”

Jim smiles, “Nothing wrong with a little morning wakeup call either,” he says pointedly, pressing their bodies harder together. Beneath him, Bones tilts his head a bit in acknowledgment and flashes Jim the smirk that Jim can never resist kissing…so he does, properly this time.


	7. You forgot to say the magic word!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tumblr user [soong-type-princess](http://soong-type-princess.tumblr.com).
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/102295377570).

If Leonard McCoy knew that dating Jim Kirk would open him up to being a constant prank victim, he’d have never agreed to it. Never.

Not in a million years.

Because running down the hall of a dorm full of Starfleet cadets, with nothing but a hand towel to protect your modesty as you chase after your dumb, blond, cackling-like-an-idiot boyfriend, is not worth it.

"Jim, I swear to God, if you don’t get back here with my uniform this instant I will wring your damn neck!”

Faces are poking out of doors now, and there would probably be less of that if Leonard would just stop shouting, but he’s too busy trying to keep his business from flopping about to care.

"And deprive these curious young minds from catching a glimpse of the finest ass in the galaxy? I don’t think so!"

Leonard rounds a corner, mere feet from Jim. “You’re a dead man, Jim.”

Jim just laughs harder and manages to squeeze into their room, quickly shutting the door behind him with a hiss.

Leonard pounds the door, but for some, inexplicable reason that probably has nothing to do with Jim’s prowess as a computer hacker, the door won’t open for him.

"James Tiberius Kirk, you open this door right now!"

The door hisses open a fraction.

"You forgot to say the magic word!" Jim says cheekily.

Leonard could get mad, but he sees through the crack of the door that Jim is hurrying out of his clothes.

"Oh," he says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I’m sorry. JAMES TIBERIUS ‘SEX GOD OF STARFLEET’ KIRK, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" he shouts, loud enough for all onlookers to hear.

The door opens entirely and Jim’s laughing his ass off as he struggles to pull his boots off.

When it shuts again, Leonard immediately tackles him to the floor. And as Jim kisses him breathless, he’s reminded again why he said yes in the first place.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon.
> 
> Originally found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/98810927580).

For the longest time, Bones just stares at him. Stares straight through him with a gaze so piercing that it’s easy to forget that the man is lying in bed with the flu. Jim takes in the red nose, the pile if tissues in the disposal next to the bed, and tries hard to look anywhere but Bones’ eyes. His heart is still thumping hard and fast in his chest.

"The cure…" is all Bones says to finally break the silence. "He…Spock, the other Spock, he gave you the cure for xenopolycythemia?"

"Not in so many words, he sent the formula for…"

"Jim, send me the formula this instant," Bones says, throwing back the covers and leaping out of bed. Jim doesn’t miss the grimace as he does so.

"Bones, what?" he gathers himself. "What are you doing? Get back in bed, you’re sick as hell."

But Bones doesn’t listen, doesn’t even pay him any mind as he struggles into his medical uniform.

"Not as sick as you thought I’d be, huh? When exactly where you planning on telling me you and that old goblin were sitting on the cure for a rare but deadly disease?"

"It was just the other day!" Jim thinks back, thinks of how his heart dropped to his feet when the older Spock’s face paused on the video screen, stopping right in the middle of an otherwise amusing recount of adventures he had shared with his crew, to warn Jim of Bones’ likelihood of developing the disease. He thinks too about how he got Uhura’s message just this morning about Bones feeling under the weather.

He couldn’t exactly be accused of thinking the worst.

Bones sighs, and places a comforting hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Look, I’m not mad or anything. Just…this is incredible Jim. With this formula I can get working on creating the treatment in our universe. Hell, I might be able to work on preventative measures to ensure those susceptible never do get it…”

Jim meets his eyes, and mentally curses himself for several kinds of fool for not realizing these uses of the information in the first place.

"Including me."

Jim nods. “I’ll send it to your PADD right now.”

Bones squeezes his shoulder reassuringly before bolting out the door.

—-

It’s a good 18 hours before Jim hears from Bones again. He slumps back into their quarters and falls face first on the bed, Jim rushing in from the bathroom when he hears him.

"Bones?" he asks, worry all too present in his voice.

On the bed, Bones tilts his face away from the comforter, a tired smile on his face. He looks thoroughly exhausted. 

"I’m never gonna call that old Vulcan a goblin again," he says. "What an incredible formula. It barely needed any work at all, all the med techs are working on the logistics now…with any luck, xenopolycythemia will be wiped from the galaxy from now on."

Relief floods through Jim like a molten wave. “Thank god. Bones, look I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to…I was just going to save it until…if you…”

Bones flaps a hand at him. “It’s all over now, Jim. Let it go, and come ‘ere.”

Jim comes over to the bed and curls up against Bones’ side, the doctor sighs happily and wraps around him. “He’s not keeping any other miracle cures from us, is he?”

Jim shakes his head, noticing how warm and clammy Bones’ skin is. “No, especially not the flu, more’s the pity. Get some rest will you?”

Bones hums his assent against Jim’s shoulder, and falls asleep to kisses pressed to his forehead.

-oOo-


	9. You want me to do what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tumblr user [soong-type-princess](http://soong-type-princess.tumblr.com).
> 
> Found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/98885784980).

Bones leaves the bar early, actually looking forward to a little time in the dorm without Jim there. Maybe, for once, he’ll have some damn hot water in the shower. If he had known that the punk from the shuttle would become his hot water stealing roommate, he would have had even more second thoughts about the whole ‘join the ‘Fleet’ business.

He day dreams for a moment, thinking of warm water easing the stress tense muscles in his shoulders. Oh yes, leaving his: “Come on old man, it’ll only be for a few drinks, let’s get going already”, roommate at the bar was a good decision.

It’s a nice night, and the walk back to the dorms is a pleasant one, until the sound of running footsteps and shouting breaks through the calm air.

"Bones!" he hears distantly. He cringes, there’s only one person who calls him that.

Pounding footsteps get closer and he turns around to see Jim bolting towards him. “Jim what on earth?”

Jim all but slams into him, gripping his arms and tugging him sideways into a doorway. He tries to fight it but in the end he ends up huddled against Jim, who has slammed his back up against the door, pulling Bones against him like a human blanket.

The blonde is looking frantically down the sidewalk. There’s a shout of ‘I think he went this way!’ and Jim blanches, looking back at Bones with wide eyes.

"Kiss me," he says desperately.

Bones’ brain stutters. “You want me to do what?”

Jim huffs in annoyance, grabbing Bones’ hands and slamming them firmly onto his waist. He hikes a knee up against Bone’s hips, grabs his face and presses their mouths together.

Things slow to a crawl. Jim is kissing him as if his life depended on it and, Bones thinks as he hears two voices pass behind them, (“Jeeze, didn’t need to see that.” - “Ooh, uh yeah, let’s just uh…he might have gone this way, I’m gonna kill him when we find him.”), that might actually be the case.

It’s not until the footsteps of the two men have long faded that Bones realizes that at some point, he started to kiss back. And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t admit that Jim is really fucking good at this. 

His hands hike up underneath Jim’s shirt of their own accord. At the first contact of skin on skin, Jim’s hips jolt forward and he breaks the kiss, head flopping back against the door. His lips are flushed red and his pupils are blown wide.

"You uh…" Jim’s voice sounds wrecked. "You just saved my ass from a pretty spectacular beating."

Bones nods dumbly, his hands are still pressing against the warm skin of Jim’s lower back. “Did I now?”

"Mmhm…but uh…just because the danger’s passed you uh…you don’t need to stop. We should probably go back to the dorm though…"

Bones nods again, suddenly all to glad that he won’t be back at the dorm alone tonight.


	10. There's something I've been meaning to say...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tumblr user [isuelt-1124](http://isuelt-1124.tumblr.com).
> 
> Found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/89262624330).

It’s a hazy Sunday morning in Georgia. The sun’s barely up, and Bones and Jim are entangled around each other in bed when Joanna comes bounding in and flops on the bed.

"GOOD MORNING!" she cheers. "Wake up! Sunday is waffle day!" she says tugging at her father’s shirt.

Bones forces his eyes open and grins at his little girl. “Why so it is,” he answers, voice still rough with sleep. “Why don’t you wake up Daddy and see if he’ll come help us make some of those waffles you love so much?”

Joanna shifts her weight and begins tapping little rhythms on Jim’s shoulder. “Daddy Jim, Daddy Jim, Papa says to come help us make waffles.”

Jim’s head rises slowly from beneath the blanket. His hair is a mess and dark circles are present beneath his out of focus eyes. “Times it?” he says sleepily.

"Breakfast time!" Joanna helpfully supplies.

"Barely six," Bones answers.

For a few more moments Jim stares groggily at his husband. “Bones, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say…”

Those words never bode well, and for a heart stopping moment Bones’ world goes fuzzy.

"You snore." Jim says flatly. "You snore, and last night was bad, and as far as I’m concerned if I don’t have to get up before the hour is in the double digits, then I won’t."

The relief of the answer surges through Bones in just enough time for him to be indignant about what has been said. “I do not sno—”

"Jo? Does Papa snore?"

Dark brown curls bounce as his daughter nods. “You sound like a big ol’ bear.”

Jim turns to him, eyebrows raised in defense of his point. “The case rests, and so do I.” He says flopping back down onto the pillow. “Jo, how ‘bout we have a little bit more of a nap and then waffles?”

"Okay!" Jo grins and snuggles her way between them.

"I don’t believe it," Bones says with fake petulance. "You two are ganging up on me."

Joanna laughs and pats the pillow next to her. “But we love you Papa, even when you sound like a big ol’ bear.”

"Which is most of the time," Jim mumbles from the pillow. 

Bone’s pokes him on the forehead as he lays down and wraps his arms around the both of them, smiling as he watches them sleep.


	11. You want me to do what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tumblr user [kirkandbones](http://kirkandbones.tumblr.com).
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/89261306300).

"You want me to do what?" Bones asks, eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

"Close your eyes."

"Jim, the last time I did that I ended up with a permanent marker mustache." Bones grumps.

Jim huffs. “Just…just trust me okay?”

And Bones will be damned if the youngest Starship Captain in ‘Fleet history didn’t sound slightly nervous. “Alright fine. Lemme see your hands first though.”

Jim brings his palms out. “No markers, promise.”

Bones shrugs and shuts his eyes. For a few heart stopping moments, all he can hear is his heart thudding in his ears. And then, with a quick puff of breath as his only warning, Jim’s kissing him.

It’s chaste and god it’s just about the sweetest damn thing that’s ever happened to him. He kisses back with a smile and Jim pulls back with a little gasp.

When he opens his eyes, Jim’s staring at him, obviously flustered. “Yeah, so…that. That’s…that’s…yeah.” He mumbles eloquently.

Bones can’t stop smiling, happiness and hope is blooming in his chest and it’s spreading through him like summer sunshine.

"You infant," he chuckles affectionately before tugging Jim close for another kiss.


	12. Are you flirting with me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a tumblr anon.
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/89259727855).

For the fourth day in a row, Jim steals a celery stick from his plate at lunch.

For the fourth day in a row, Jim eats it slowly, sliding it into his mouth and relishing it as much as a man can enjoy the rather phallic vegetable.

For the fourth day in a row, Jim chews the celery, chin propped on his hand as his foot slides up McCoy’s calf beneath the table.

"So how was your Xenobiology lecture today? Anymore thrilling tales of Orion pheromones to—-"

"Are you flirting with me?" McCoy interrupts, because the slow slide of a polished boot against his uniform pants is really starting to mess with his head.

Jim looks down at the table before returning his glance upwards through his eyelashes. He licks the damn celery stick long and slow, and McCoy can feel the back of his neck go red.

"I might be," Jim says, coyly drawing his words out. His foot climbs higher, nudging against McCoy’s thigh on the chair.

Well…two can play this game.

McCoy just smirks and cocks an eyebrow. “Well then,” he says, “I think I can preoccupy that mouth of yours with something better than celery. If you wanna make good on your not-so-subtle promises, that is.”

Jim’s eyes widen comically as his jaw drops open.

McCoy smirks, reaching across and pushing Jim’s jaw up with two fingers. “Uh uh, not just yet,” he winks. Without another word, he gets up and heads toward the cafeteria exit, smirk growing wider as he hears Jim’s chair tumble over behind him.


	13. Sleepy Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/89058775775).

"I swear if I have to treat one more bruised knee or twisted ankle, I’m gonna throw a fit." Bones says by way of hello, bursting into the dorm room like a grumpy hurricane.

Jim’s laying on the bed, and he lets his head list lazily to the side to watch his boyfriend struggle out of his boots, mumbling all the while. 

"I thought that being assigned to clinic duty during obstacle course week of the survival training class would be your idea of heaven, Bones." Jim says with false surprise.

Bones looks over at him with his lips pursed, one eyebrow cocked towards his hairline. “And I thought taking two semester’s worth of courses in one was going to be—and I quote—a cake walk?”

Jim shrugs and he knows Bones can tell he’s absolutely exhausted, mentally and physically. “Yeah, yeah, shut up and get over here already.”

The smirk on Bones’ lips turns fond as he trudges over and flops hard onto the bed. Jim lets out an ‘oomph’ when their bodies collide. It takes longer than normal to get comfortable, probably because they’re both fighting sleep, but after a few knocked elbows and knee nudges, they’re wrapped comfortably around each other.

Bones let’s out a world weary sigh and nuzzles closer against Jim’s neck. “Food later, yeah?” he mumbles.

Jim hums in agreement, carding his fingers into Bones’ hair and kissing him softly on the forehead. “Sleep now, though…” he manages to get out before his eyes grow heavy. With one last kiss he falls asleep against Bones, who’s already snoring softly against his shoulder.


	14. Late night fire alarm AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tumblr user [cookiemonsterinlove](http://cookiemonsterinlove.tumblr.com).
> 
> Who wanted something based off my tags on [this post](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/101705327069).
> 
> Can be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/102298101095).
> 
> Modern AU.

Leonard’s been in his apartment for exactly one week. Living out of boxes and sleeping on an old mattress thrown haphazardly in the middle of what he’s deemed the bedroom, is really no way to live, but it works. And he can’t bring himself to care.

The stress of the divorce and the move are running him ragged. Everyone at the hospital has been giving him a wide berth, but he can’t help being grumpier than usual…luckily the staff seems willing to let it pass. 

His sleep schedule really is a mess though, he’s lucky to catch a few hours here and there. So when the building’s fire alarm goes off at 3am one Tuesday morning, Leonard McCoy is understandably pissed off.

Stumbling from his apartment, he hikes his old sweatpants up and shuffles down the hallway, stopping to help a young woman balancing a toddler on her hip, shut her door. He mumbles as she thanks him and they head down the stairs for the exit. 

There doesn’t seem to be any dire emergency; he can’t see any smoke and no one is screaming and truly running for their lives, so it’s probably nothing to worry about. McCoy follows the other residents to the opposite sidewalk and leans tiredly against a tree.

“I bet you any money Pavel and Hikaru burnt their late night movie popcorn again,” a voice to his left says.

Leonard groggily looks over and is suddenly very much awake.

The man standing next to him is in his late 20’s with blonde hair and a body to die for. But all of that is highlighted by the fact that he’s only wearing a pair of baby blue boy shorts that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. If Leonard had to hazard a guess, he’d say they were painted on.

“Uhhh…” is all he can manage.

The man looks at him, letting his eyes travel slowly over Leonard as he leans against the tree, when he’s done he flashes him a wicked grin. What promise he sees in Leonard’s ratty Ol’ Miss shirt and thread bare sweatpants, he’ll never know. 

“You must be the new guy then, haven’t had a chance to meet’cha yet. Name’s Jim. I’m across the hall from you in 202,” he extends his hand.

Leonard takes it slowly, giving it a quick shake and hurriedly diverting his eyes when he notices that the action makes certain parts of Jim jiggle obscenely.

“Uh, McCoy, Leonard McCoy,” he says, voice rough with sleep. “I’ve only been here a week, haven’t had much time or desire to meet anyone really.”

Jim quirks and eyebrow at him and shifts his weight to the left, Leonard does not watch the way his hips move when he does so. “Having a rough time with the move?”

Leonard snorts, “Having a rough life, if you ask me.”

Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of the fire company. Only a few of the firefighters are in gear, and the man wearing the Chief’s helmet walks over to two young kids looking incredibly embarrassed over by the buildings exit.

“Told you,” Jim points his thumb at the two of them. “Those two are always up late studying or watching movies…for two little geniuses, they never seem to remember the popcorn in the microwave.”

Leonard just nods his head as the residents start making their way back into the building. “So, this is a pretty common occurrence then?”

“Mm, two or three times a year,” Jim says with a shrug. He makes it to the stairs a few steps ahead of Leonard, who is treated to the sight of Jim’s ass shifting as he climbs up.

Heat pulls low in his stomach and he stops a few stairs down. Jim pauses on the landing and looks at him, fighting off a grin.

“You must be tired, big guy. Did you forget how steps work or what?”

Heat floods up the back of Leonard’s neck, he doesn’t say anything as he continues up the stairs, resolutely glaring at the floor. 

When they make it to their floor, Jim turns to him again. “Well, it was nice meeting you, despite the circumstances,” he says, laughter bubbling in his voice.

“You too,” Leonard moves his gaze up from the floor, only to see Jim very obviously wiggle his hips towards him. Leonard’s mouth goes dry.

Jim definitely laughs this time. “Hey, stop over sometime when you’re a bit more coherent…maybe coherent enough to work out that I’m definitely hitting on you. We’ll do a movie night, I promise I won’t burn the popcorn. I’ll even wear these if you’re lucky,” he winks as he saunters into his apartment and closes the door behind him.

Leonard gapes at the closed door and mentally makes a note to schedule some evenings off in the near future.


	15. I think I'm pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt from tumblr user [scootypuffjrsucks](http://scootypuffjrsucks.tumblr.com).
> 
> Original tumblr post [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/114665962280).

The door to his medbay office swishes open and is immediately followed by a theatrical groan from, who else, but Jim. No one else would be caught dead bothering him this close to the end of his shift.

“Bones,” he groans out, voice laden with melodramatic misery. “I think I’m pregnant.”

For a wild, heart stopping moment, Leonard thinks he could be serious. He brain feverishly thinks over all possible alien occurrences and brushes with alternate timelines and wonders if he’ll soon have to deliver his captain’s baby…and he also finds himself growing irrationally upset that he wasn’t the other partner involved considering that they’ve been exclusive for nearly a year. But all of that passes when Jim opens his mouth again.

“Did you know that there are sixteen crew members celebrating a birthday today? Sixteen! And they all made me try a bit of their cakes, Bones. I’ve got a food baby like you would not _believe_.”

Leonard’s face settles into its usual look of world weary malaise before he raises an eyebrow at Jim. “You know damn well that’s your own fault,” he shuts off his computer and stands to stretch.

Jim pouts. “Some sympathetic boyfriend you are.”

Leonard rolls his eyes and rubs a hand over Jim’s stomach as he pulls him into a hug. “Well forgive me for not feeling bad about you stuffing your face with cake all day.”

“It was damn good cake though, there was this Andorian recipe with weird fruit that tastes like pineapples that is _amazing_!” Jim smiles nuzzling into the hug. “And this other one that involved this super rich chocolate icing…”

Leonard just chuckles, kissing away some stray frosting near Jim’s mouth as he leads them back to their quarters.


	16. If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon on tumblr.
> 
> Original post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/114668420500).

If Jim is completely and totally honest with himself, it started on the shuttle. It started on the shuttle and it’s proceeded to get worse as they became roommates and eventually inseparable friends.

Jim has it bad for Leonard McCoy…for Bones. And it’s getting hard to hide.

Being roommates and friends has given them a level of comfort and familiarity that allows Bones to walk around shirtless with sweatpants hanging low on hips that, in Jim’s opinion, are made for sin.

He’s currently fixated on those hips and he can’t look away. Bones comes out of the bathroom, toweling off his hair, with little water droplets pooling around his navel as his hips move and press beneath his skin and Jim is as helpless as a ship caught in a tractor beam. He’d give his life to lick those lines.

Hours could have passed for all he knows. His indecent reverie is broken only when Bones chuckles and fucking _smolders_ right at him, eyes predatory and full of promise.

"If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed,” says with a smirk, purposely flexing as he wraps his arms around the back of his head to continue drying his hair.

Jim’s throat goes dry. “What?”

“I wasn’t born yesterday, Jim. I know that look. I just can’t believe it’s taken you this long to clue in, for a genius you’re awful—“

Jim’s brain rapidly catches up. “Wait. You’re telling me you’ve been doing all of this parading around with your chest and your---god Bones your _hips_ \--- on _purpose_?!”

Bones’ eyes are still filled with heat as he stares back. “Yeah…might’ve been.”

That husky voice is all it takes to launch Jim off the couch, hands _finally_ clamping hard on Bones’ hips as he presses him against the wall and sinks to his knees, laying sucking kisses on whatever skin he can reach and more.

They never do make it to the bed.


	17. Miserable Wedding Guest AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a 'Miserable Wedding Guest AU' prompt on tumblr.
> 
> Post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/118779636490).

“You look how I feel,” a low voice says to Jim’s left. He’s slumped unhappily at a round table, far too close to the dance floor for his enjoyment. The reception is lovely, Spock and Uhura make a wonderful couple and he loves them both dearly, but weddings have never been his thing. Especially when all of his friends that are also attending are already happily paired off…dancing happily with boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancées, and partners. It just further drives home the fact that he’s alone and miserable.

“Yeah?” he grumbles out. “Don’t like weddings either, huh?” He asks, turning to look up at the source of the voice.  
His chest clenches.

The man is handsome, incredibly so. He has dark hair, deep expressive eyes, and broad shoulders. In fact, he cuts such a dashing figure in his suit that Jim is in awe that he hasn’t noticed him in the hours he’s spent between the wedding and the dinner.

Tall, dark, and handsome exhales through his nose. “You can say that. It’s one thing to feel happy for a couple, but it always seems a bit like they’re rubbing it in your face, you know?” He takes a seat next to Jim waving at a passing waiter to leave two beers as he passes. “Leonard McCoy,” he says by way of introduction, sticking out his hand.

Jim shakes it. “Jim Kirk. And yeah, there’s nothing like a big old celebration about love to remind you how alone and miserable you are.”  
“Hear, hear,” Leonard says, handing Jim a beer and clinking the bottle necks together. “I take it you’re single then?”

Jim’s heart thuds in his throat, suddenly very interested as to whether or not Leonard is as well. “Yeah, not really for lack of trying though. You?”

“Recently divorced,” Leonard replies, voice bitter and hard. “I’ve been through this, and let me tell you it’s hard to feel happy once you come out on the wrong side of that,” he points to where Spock and Uhura are dancing close beneath a color changing light. “But,” he continues, voice growing softer. “I think these two have it in them to make it work. I can’t say much for this Spock guy, but Nyota’s got a good head on her shoulders, she won’t fuck up like I did.”

Jim hums in agreement, giving himself a moment to digest all of what Leonard has said. “Spock’s a good guy. I went to college with him and he loves Uhura. She’s a real character, but she brings out a good side of him. I’m guessing you’ve known her for a while then?” he asks, deciding not to dredge up any questions about the divorce. It was one thing to commiserate over a few beers at a wedding, but that sounded like quite the sore spot for Leonard.

“Yep, same story, college friends.”

They pass the time for few songs, asking vague questions, and telling each other stories about the bride and the groom. As the minutes fly by, Jim finds himself feeling far less miserable. There’s something about Leonard that relaxes him and makes him feel at ease. Before long, they actually get each other laughing and having a good time.

“It’s about time, you two!” Uhura says as she stands before them, hands placed on her hips, there’s a fine sheen of sweat to her skin from all the dancing, but she still looks absolutely radiant in her flowing white dress.

Leonard quirks a lip at her, “About time for what, Ny?”

“About time you both started having a good time. This _is_ a wedding you know…a celebration? You two have done nothing but look like miserable bastards all evening.”

“You know damn well that I’m a miserable bastard and I like it,” Leonard answers, but there’s a smile to his words.

Uhura shakes her head in exasperation and sticks her tongue out at him before turning to Jim. “And you,” she says accusingly. “I can’t believe you haven’t danced your way through all the people here yet.”

Jim huffs a laugh. “Well maybe I would have, but it seems like I’m the only single person you invited,” he says with a gesture to the dance floor filled with couples.

Uhura gives him a look before flicking her eyes back to Leonard. “Well, by now you should know that’s not true. Dance with Leonard, you two seem to be getting on. And you’ve done more with people you knew less.”

Jim’s face flushes. “Thanks for the great PR.”

“No problem,” Uhura says, unfazed. “Now let’s go, no one is sitting out and forming a sad singles club at my wedding.” She grabs them both by the wrists, ignoring their half-hearted, mumbled protests, and drags them onto the dance floor. “Have fun,” she gives them both pointed looks and winks before sauntering off to join Spock at the refreshments table.

Jim turns to Leonard who is looking at him with a little apprehension and, if Jim’s not mistaken, quite a bit of hope. The music turns slow and the lights turn dim. “Well…you can’t disappoint a lady on her big day,” he says with a small shrug.

“S’pose not,” Leonard answers, a smile starting to play around the edge of his mouth.

When his hands come to rest around Jim’s waist, warm and solid, Jim can’t help but think that this wedding may not turn out so horrible after all.


	18. Tourist/Local AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a 'Tourist/Knowledgable Local AU' prompt on tumblr.
> 
> Post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/118780212385).

The McCoy’s, being a large family, were never ones to go half-heartedly into planning a reunion. This year, a year full of weddings and births and graduations, they decided to go all out. This, in his family, meant flying 40 plus relatives of varying ages out to Hawaii for two weeks of fun and relaxation.  
Leonard was all for the relaxation aspect. He had just graduated Medical school and was in complete agreement that he deserved some lounge time beneath a palm tree with a fruity (and preferably rather alcoholic) drink in his hand.

 

But of course, that’s not how things work out. That’s never how things work out. How things work out, involves Leonard being coerced, prodded, and pretty much all out begged, to take surfing lessons with a handful of uncles and cousins.

 

Nothing about surfing appeals to him. There is nothing he’d rather do less than chase around a piece of wood through waves that could and probably would crush him down into dark, shark infested waters. He’s not meant for stuff like this. Flag football is about as extreme as he gets sports-wise. Not to mention, he has absolutely no desire to make an utter fool of himself in front of a beach full of tanned and beautiful locals, as he no doubt will. Everyone is going to laugh at the pale-from-studying-indoors-so-long-land-lubber-country-boy chasing a surfboard through the waves.

 

But his family is very hard to say no too. They’re all immune to his seemingly natural grumpiness and they laughed off all of his grumbled excuses, so here he finds himself, leaning against a straw roof hut, waiting for his instructor to show up. Of course he gets the one who’s running late.

 

A bit to his left, he watches his cousin Melissa flirt with her cute Asian instructor, while a blonde curly haired boy is being surrounded by his joke telling uncles clearly looking bewildered as they clap him on the back and laugh. Both instructors look so young. Leonard scowls. Knowing his luck he’ll probably get some whiz-bang teenager who will be amazing at surfing and talk down to him the entire time.

 

“Well hello there, Bones,” a voice behind him says.

 

Leonard turns around, clearly confused. What he sees makes his stomach drop to his feet.

 

Standing behind Leonard is an absolute vision of a man. He has blonde hair that seems to glow in the sun, lightly tanned skin, eyes bluer than the ocean, and a body that flows down into a pair of short blue trunks that leave way too little to Leonard’s imagination. 

 

“Looks like I’m your instructor today,” the man says cheerfully. “Name’s Jim.”

The man introduces himself as he gives Leonard a very obvious once over.  
Heart beating in overdrive, Leonard opens his mouth, and like the paragon of social grace that he is, says, “What do you mean, Bones?”

 

Jim blinks at him for a moment, clearly taken aback, before laughing and motioning at Leonard’s crotch. For a horrifying second, Leonard wonders if he has somehow become hard, but then he remembers his swim trunks and immediately wants to bury himself in the sand.

 

“Oh god,” he mumbles, looking down at the shorts that are patterned to look like pelvic bones and femurs on an x-ray. “Uh, yeah…these were a gift. From my family, I graduated medical school.” His face is flushed and he hates himself for it. “My name’s Leonard by the way,” he adds hastily.

 

Jim just continues to smile at him. “Medical school, huh? So you’re a sawbones? How can I ever call you Leonard with such amazing and varied opportunities for a nickname?”

 

Leonard frowns.

 

“Come on,” Jim chuckles, bumping their shoulders together. “Every surfer needs a nickname. Ready for your lesson?” Jim reaches for two boards leaning against a rack under the hut.

 

“No.” Leonard answers flatly, making Jim laugh.

 

He doesn’t miss the fact that Jim hands him a board painted with a skull and cross bones.

 

—

 

The lesson goes about as well as could be expected. Leonard doesn’t drown, he doesn’t make a total fool of himself…and he gets to learn how Jim’s skin feels pressed slick against his back as they sit and float on a shared surf board. That part makes him feel a bit awkward, but it’s definitely a bonus.  
The two hours pass quickly and when Leonard arrives back on solid ground, he finds that the rest of his family has already left. 

 

“They went back to the hotel,” says the boy who was with Melissa. “Said that, and I quote: ‘It looked like you were having a lot of fun, go get him tiger’.”

 

Leonard feels his face going red and manages to resist the urge to smack his hand to his face.

 

The boy just smirks at him. “And Jim,” he says, voice mock serious. “Going over your lesson time by half hour? I’d almost say you were having a bit too much fun out there yourself.”

 

“Yeah yeah, thanks Hikaru, isn’t your shift done yet? Go take Pavel out for date night already.”

 

“I think I will,” Hikaru says smartly. “And enjoy your own,” he says with an exaggerated wink.

 

Leonard gets the distinct impression that there are forces beyond his control conspiring against him. He glances over at Jim, who gives him a knowing, but slightly shy smile. “What on earth is happening?”

 

“Well,” Jim says, tilting his head. “I think that was two not-so-subtle sources telling us that we should probably turn this lesson into a date.”

 

—

 

And, because Leonard’s life has apparently become a rom-com without him noticing, they do. He and Jim spend the rest of the day together, and Leonard miraculously doesn’t fuck it up. In fact, he actually manages to enjoy himself, because, wonder of wonders, Jim somehow finds his grumpiness and cynicism incredibly charming. He laughs at him more than Leonard would normally let a person do.

 

They end the day sitting on the beach near where they met for the lesson.  
“You know,” Jim says as he wiggles his toes into the sand. “Forgive me if this sounds way harsh, but you’re the first person I’ve taught that I wish would have almost drowned.”

 

Leonard’s heart sinks. “And what the _hell_ do you mean by—“

 

His indignant tirade is halted in his tracks by Jim’s laughter. “Easy, easy!” he says through a laugh. “I only meant that it would have been a pretty great way to have given you some mouth to mouth action.” Jim raises his eyebrows at him, pointedly dropping a heated look at Leonard’s lips.

 

Leonard’s heart is close to turning in a resignation with how fast it’s gone from angry pounding to aroused pounding. “Or,” he says with a huff. “You could just ask like a not crazy person.” He could pause, he could let that be the end of it, but of course he keeps talking. “I mean really. Wishing drowning on a person just so you can your lips on ‘em…I hoped you would have given me mouth-to-mouth. I also hope that if my sorry ass was drowning you would have actually concentrated on _saving my life_ as opposed to getting your tongue in my mouth, dammit Jim, I mean…”

 

Jim’s hand lands on his thigh and slides its way up the screen printed femur on his trunks. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

 

“You damn well better.”

 

Jim does.


	19. Soulmates AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a Soulmates AU prompted on tumblr.
> 
> Post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/118799246985).

Jim is handed a flask and something in his chest grows warm before he even takes a drink of the booze. He’s treated to a speech about shuttles, about a divorce and all the while, despite being at possibly his lowest point, Jim just feels warm.

 

It’s always there through the academy. Any time Jim is around Bones, the warmth is there. It becomes a constant in his life. Nothing too obtrusive or consuming, just steady and calming.

He considers, multiple times, that this might be it. That this heat in his chest that fills him might be the glow that so few are lucky to experience. But it never lasts long. Bones is his friend. His friend who has never given any indication that he gets the same surge of feeling from Jim. And the warmth is just that, it never manifests itself as a glow. And besides…Jim just doesn’t believe himself to be someone who will ever be gifted with such a blessing.

 

When the distress call comes and Bones gets ready to leave, the warmth begins to cool. This hasn’t happened before and Jim very nearly panics as he turns away from the shuttle loading docks before resignation settles heavy on his shoulders. It feels like a loss.

But it thankfully doesn’t last. When Bones grabs his arm and drags Jim along after him, the warmth surges back and becomes an almost devouring heat. Happiness soars within him despite the direness of the situation, and Jim discreetly looks at his chest. There still isn’t a light, but there is a growing hope at the back of his mind.

 

They have their trial by fire and they embark on an exploratory mission for five years. Things go well, things go not so well, but they always make it through. Jim makes it through. He makes it through and is constantly balanced and held by the warmth in his chest. He makes it through with Bones beside him…

Until he doesn’t, and Bones isn’t there, and Jim is feeling a different sort of heat as his blood is pounded with radiation.

 

When he awakes, the room is bathed with a soft reddish gold light. Not at all the light he expects when he opens his eyes to the ceiling of a medical room. He shouldn’t be alive, shouldn’t be lying in bed, and lulling his head to the side.  
He shouldn’t be here seeing the glow coming from Bones’ chest as he sits in a chair next to the bio bed and meets Jim’s eyes.

“Oh god…thank god Jim…” he mumbles, tears evident in his voice.

Jim hears beeping as his heart rate spikes, he can’t take his eyes from Bones’ chest. “Bones?” he croaks out, voice rough. “Bones you’re…”

The doctor leans forward in his chair and takes Jim’s hand, clasping it tightly in his own before bringing them both to lay against Jim’s chest. “You are too,” he whispers.

Jim looks down and sees a glow coming from his skin. His very soul seems to sing its approval as he finally acknowledges what has happened. The warmth spreads from his chest to encompass all of him.

Bones is suddenly there, filling all of Jim’s senses as he pulls Jim gently against him.

“I can’t believe it took losing you for it to happen,” Bones says into his hair. “It took its damn time.”

Jim can’t help a weak chuckle as he nuzzles against Bones’ neck. “I think I knew…think I always did. But I just…I wasn’t sure, Bones. I didn’t think…not me…”

A kiss is placed to his temple.

“No, Jim…definitely you.”


	20. Nerd/Popular Kid AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a popular kid/nerd AU prompt on tumblr.
> 
> Post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/118941179195).

Jim has fallen completely and hopelessly in love with his best friend. He never even saw it coming. Really. One night, as they were riding home on the back of Bones’ bike, they took a curve sharper than usual and Jim let out an undignified squawk, clinging to Bones tighter than he already was. The sound must have been audible over the rumbling engine because Bones just threw his head back and laughed…

Jim feels the laugh all the way to his core, humming from Bones’ skin into his, bouncing right past his ribs and into his heart and that’s when it hits him like a ton of bricks. His head is still spinning when they pull up to his driveway, and it doesn’t get any better when Bones throws the kickstand down and slides forward, giving him more room to climb off the bike…and giving Jim an all too sudden view of his ass…have his jeans always been that tight? Jim curses for never noticing before, all of those day dreaming hours wasted.

“Jim?” Bones is smiling at him and saying his name, brown eyes still bright with laughter. “You, uh, gonna go in anytime soon?”

Jim, who is definitely not standing in his front yard staring at his best friends ass, mercifully snaps out of it. “Yeah, yeah…uh, ‘night Bones.”

“’Night, Jimmy. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Bones says with a wink before driving his bike out into the night.

Jim watches the red taillight until it fades to nothing and, heart hammering, starts to plan.

 

-oOo-

 

Bones catches the first clue that something is amiss Monday morning in History. His eyes drift from the black board for a second and as he scans the room, he finds Jim staring at him. Not just looking in his direction, no-- _staring_. He raises an eyebrow at the blonde, and Jim turns bright red before whipping his head back down towards his notes. It happens at least 10 more times that day too.

The rest of the week, each time Bones casually touches him-- a bump of shoulders here, a touch of hands there-- Jim nearly faints, and each time Jim (seemingly through a great struggle) touches him, he looks as though it’s the greatest feat he’s ever accomplished. He also seems to catch Jim off guard a lot and saying the kid’s name earns him a surprised jump and pleased look every time. 

And it just gets weirder. Jim’s starting to hold doors open for him, always letting him go first; he’s even bought him lunch three times, and he has the odd tendency to over exaggeratedly laugh at the dumbest shit Bones says.

A suspicion starts to grow for Bones. It looks as though Jim is _finally_ coming to realize what’s going on in their friendship. But far be it from him to call Jim on it.

 

-oOo-

 

By the end of the week (a week full of more awkward stumbling and stuttering), Bones is 100% sure he knows what’s going on. But, god help him, he just can’t put the kid out of his misery. Not when it’s this much fun. Not when Jim being even more of a floundering goofball than usual is so damn endearing. He does, however, decide to see what Jim will make of their usual Friday night movie night.

As usual, they meet at Bones’ house to make use of his large basement entertainment room. Popcorn ready, and crappy sci-fi B movie idling on the play menu, Bones plops down on the couch closer to Jim than usual and has to hide a smile when he feels Jim bristle at the contact.

Fifteen minutes into the movie and Bones feels the tension in Jim’s body become a sort of restless squirming. It’s barely there, but it’s enough to tell that Jim’s getting ready to make his move. Sure enough, Jim sits up a little straighter, yawning melodramatically and stretching his right arm above his head. When it comes down, it lands oh-so-conveniently around Bones’ shoulders.

Bones _swears _he breaks a rib trying to suppress his laughter. Of all the ridiculous, cliché flirting techniques, this one has got to take the cake. To his left, Jim clears his throat and shifts. A side-eyed glance is enough to tell Bones that he’s absolutely terrified about the current placement of his arm. Clearing his throat as well, he decides that it couldn’t hurt to give in just a little on this one and leans into Jim slightly, settling in. The sigh of relief that Jim fails to conceal and the pleased hum that follows it are totally worth it.__

__When he finally gives in and presses a small kiss against Jim’s jaw, openly chuckling at the strangled squeak that the kid makes, he finally breaks it to him. “You know, you’re not as subtle as you might think Jimmy.”_ _

__Jim’s arm tightens reflexively around his shoulders. “Y-you knew?”_ _

__“Mmhmm,” he shifts, sitting up so he can turn Jim’s face towards him. “Honestly, I was just seeing how long it would take you to notice that I knew.”_ _

__Even in the dim light of the TV, he can see Jim’s face going red. “You’re a jerk, Bones,” he says, but there’s no heat to it. If anything, he sounds almost completely giddy._ _

__Bones nods his head a bit. “You’re not wrong.” He smiles slyly. “But you still like me.”_ _

__He expects Jim to joke back, but instead the kid just looks punch drunk as he sighs out, “Yeah, I really do.”_ _

__Bones has no choice but to kiss him then._ _


	21. Fan/Celebrity AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a Fan/Celebrity AU prompt on tumblr.
> 
> Original tumblr post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/119603650290).

“Oh! You’re on book three of ‘Enterprise’? It’s so good, I love that series! Did you hear the author is working on a new one?”

The voice breaks Leonard’s concentration. He looks up to see a handsome man holding a coffee cup in one hand and pointing his other at the book Leonard is currently holding. Making sure to click the save button on his laptop, Leonard turns his attention to the man looking at him with excitement in his eyes.

“You’re a fan then?” he says.

The man nods enthusiastically, blond hair flopping a bit as he does so. “Yeah! I mean, what’s not to like about space dramas? Exploring uncharted areas of the galaxy, new fantastic worlds…and the characters! They’re amazing! I honestly can’t wait for the next one. I swear if the Doctor and the Captain don’t get together, I’m gonna stage a protest.”

Leonard can’t help but snort, thinking of the romantic first kiss scene he’s just written. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” he says with a sly smile. “Leonard McCoy,” he introduces himself, extending a hand.

“Jim Kirk,” the man says, as he reaches out to shake Leonard’s hand. But he stops half way, eyes growing comically wide and glancing rapidly between Leonard’s face and the shiny embossed ‘By Leonard H. McCoy’ on the book’s cover.

“Ohmygod,” he says in a rush, finally clasping Leonard’s hand in a death grip and shaking it. “I am such a huge fan! I’ve been reading your stuff ever since you used to post on that old Sci-Fi forum and I’ve got all your Enterprise books and what did you mean ‘I’ll be pleasantly surprised’? Do Tiberius and Horatio get together because, oh god I swear they are just made for each other and the sexual tension is going to kill me if they don’t at least…”

Leonard can’t help the chuckle that escapes him as Jim rambles on, and he seems to realize that he’s doing it too, if the adorable blush staining his cheeks is any indication. “I tell you what Jim,” he says with an easy smile, lifting his empty cup. “Lemme get a refill on this and I’ll come back and tell you all about it.”

Jim looks starry eyed as he nods and sits in the other chair at Leonard’s tiny café table. Leonard heads off to the counter, unable to keep the smile off his face at the thought of going back and speaking to the handsome, blue-eyed, and oh-so-real version of the dashing space captain he’s been writing and fictionally courting through his written alter ego of a futuristic doctor. If he’s lucky, maybe things will go as well off the page as they have been in his books.


	22. Divorce AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a 'going through a divorce au' on tumblr.
> 
> Orignal post can be found on tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/119607314750).

It’s cold, raining, and very late when Jim spots the man walking alongside the dirt road out to his house. Conditions being what they are, he decides to pull over, careful not to hit any potholes filled with puddles that could soak the guy further. There’s a very vocal part of his brain telling him that picking up strange men on the side of the road on a stormy night is a great way to get yourself killed, but he shoves it aside. Something about the dejected set of the man’s shoulders tells Jim that he’s probably more of a danger to himself than he is to Jim.

“Where you heading?” he calls out through his window, ignoring the rain coming in. “No houses on this road for another six miles at least.” It’s true. Jim enjoys his big farm, but it’s rather isolated.

The man stops and turns to look at Jim. In the headlights, Jim can see just how haggard he looks. “Yeah? Well, I ain’t got no place else to go,” he hollers back. There’s anger in his voice, but it’s the kind of anger that sounds more lost than angry.

Jim is feeling pretty good about stopping.

 

“Now that isn’t true,” Jim answers, reassuringly. “I told you there’s a house, but its six miles out. It also happens to be mine. You’re welcome there…but it’ll be a hell of a lot easier for you to get into my car and let me drive you.”

A few moments pass between them, the sound of the rain creating a solid blanket of white noise. Eventually the man rubs his hand over his face in defeat and squelches his way through the mud and around to the passenger side door.

“Gonna get your seat wet,” he grumbles out as he sits down.

Jim can’t help but huff out a laugh. His pickup truck is mostly rust at this point and his seats are more duct tape than fabric. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Could be a murderer,” he continues, sounding more self-depreciating than anything.

“Don’t think you are, don’t seem the type,” Jim says with a casual shrug before easing into drive again.

The man turns a critical eye on him before gesturing down at himself, his clothes are rumpled and he’s got a few days’ worth of scraggly beard growing. “You ever seen a horror movie, kid?”

Jim laughs again. “You look like all you’ve got is the clothes on your back, so unless you’re hiding a pocket knife on you, I think I’ll be fine.”

The man sighs at that, slumping in his seat a little. “You’re right. I don’t. Don’t got anything anymore. No house, no friends, no family, no money…ran out of bus fare and got stranded here. Just decided to walk…walk away from all of it. Divorce is hell,” he whispers the last sentence, almost as if he’s talking to himself as he leans his head against the rainy window.

Jim’s not sure of what to say to that. So he opts to repeat himself. “You got a ride to a house,” he says with another shrug. “And you’re totally welcome. So you’ve got ‘meeting an awesome stranger with a soft spot for hard cases in the middle of nowhere’ going for you. Jim Kirk,” he says, glancing over and holding out his hand.

“Leonard McCoy,” he answers, letting out a genuine laugh despite himself, at Jim’s words. His whole face lights up and under the facial hair and grime, he looks completely radiant. “And hell, with the month I’ve been having, that sounds like the greatest possible outcome of this whole damn fiasco.”

Jim is really glad he stopped.


	23. Another Divorce AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a head's up that this is a bit different from my other drabbles. It's sad and angsty. Which is not my strong suit. But I tried my best to fulfill [this prompt](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/119951332855%22).

The fact that he signs actual paper to make it official only serves to make the whole situation seem so much more real. If the divorce papers had been served to him on a PADD or through some other computerized means, Jim may have been able to pass it off as just another form needing signed…one of the many he signs every day.

But not these. He watches the shine of the ink dull as it dries. Watches as he officially nullifies the marriage he and Bones have had for nearly three years.  
In the seat next to him, he watches Bones’ shoulders slump. They wearily make eye contact and offer each other smiles that don’t come close to reaching their eyes.

It had started a few months ago. They were still relatively happy, still had the same feelings towards each other, still acted like longtime friends, but something was off. Something about coming home to each other had started to feel almost like a chore with the work they did. It was hard to put it into words, but Jim knew. Jim knew they were both feeling it…that they were both hiding it. Until one day as they sat with a bottle of bourbon between them and they both managed to breach the subject at the same time.

They had laughed about it. Always the double act. 

But now it’s real.

It’s as real and it’s binding.

And Jim has no idea what to do.

 

They still live together, for a while. Until Jim starts noticing that Bones has been slowly but surely moving things into the CMO’s quarters again. He doesn’t take it personally. They lived apart before this. It feels like things going back to normal. Things are less stiff, less stilted between them. It’s good. It’s fine.

Bones has been through this before. Tells Jim that this is much better than his first go around. That he still loves Jim. That it’s going to work out fine.

And they do. They do for the next year. They’re friends. 

Friends who seem to be very, very good at not acknowledging the void growing between them that Jim knows that they both feel. This feeling isn’t brought up over laughs and bourbon.

It’s not brought up when the transfer request appears on Jim’s PADD.

It’s not brought up when Jim approves it.

It’s not brought up when they exchange a handshake and don’t meet each other’s eyes.

But it grows. It grows, wide like the star filled emptiness that Jim stares out at from the bridge. 

He gives coordinates.

Knowing that from now on, every light year is only taking him further from what he had and what he’ll never have again.


	24. Prostitute/Client AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a 'prostitute/client' au prompt on tumblr.
> 
> Original post can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/119954869605).

“What I want today is a little bit different, Jim,” Leonard says around an easy smile, voice a bit apprehensive about asking.

Jim pauses in the act of taking his shirt off, staring at him with a raised eyebrow. “Len, you’re a returning customer. In fact, you’re my best and favorite,” he grins sauntering over to where Leonard is sitting on the bed and straddling his hips. He leans down and whispers into his ear, “You know I’ll do whatever you want.”

Leonard smiles, he can’t help it. “Then I want tonight to be about you.”

Jim stops nibbling on Leonard’s ear before he can really get started. “Huh?”

“Tonight’s about you, Jim,” he says again, running a broad hand up Jim’s spine before cradling his head gently in his palm.

Jim falters at that. “You’re gonna be the one treating a prostitute? Len, I hate to tell you, but that’s not how these sort of things usually go.”

Leonard shrugs, eyes roaming Jim’s body as they always do…like he’s committing every inch to memory. “True. They’re usually about getting the client off, right?”

With a nod, Jim arcs into Leonard’s touch, “That’s right.”

“Well…” Leonard says against Jim’s neck as he begins placing open mouth kisses on every bit of skin he can reach. “Maybe taking care of you and treating you right and watching you fall apart beneath my hands is really going to get me off?”

Jim looks nervous at that, squirming a bit as though something like this has never been offered to him. It makes Leonard want to do it that much more. “Whatever you want, baby,” he says eventually, voice full of false bravado.  
Leonard all but growls as he turns and pins Jim to the mattress.

—

“Oh my god…” Jim eventually wheezes out. He can barely get a full breath with the way Leonard has collapsed on top of him. But he clung like an octopus the second the man had tried to pull away. He doesn’t want that warm weight to leave. “I quit.”

Leonard chuckles a bit at that. “I’m guessing that’s a good thing?”

Jim groans. “The best thing. I mean it. I’m quitting. I’m getting another job, and I’m not going to do this anymore. You’ve ruined me for any other person I could ever dream of sleeping with.”

Leonard pulls back finally, looking down at him with an odd expression. “So…no more of this then?”

“Oh no, definitely more of this. A lot more, I mean…that is…” Jim goes quiet for a minute, and he chews on his already kiss bruised bottom lip. “I mean. We can still do this, but not as client and…well…I’d want to if you’d have me.”

Leonard stares at him, eyes wide with realization. He dives in and gives Jim an enthusiastic kiss as an answer.


	25. I can't believe you just Indiana Jones'd me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My little sister had never seen Indiana Jones...so I made her watch all three with me.
> 
> This led to me writing a schmoopy little McKirk fic.
> 
> I’m so rusty, I haven’t written in ages.
> 
> Can also be found on my tumblr [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/128718468840)

“You know,” Bones huffs, voice laden down as though all of the misery of the world has been settled on his shoulders…like he’s the one currently sprawled across a dorm bed, more bruise than not. “If you’d stop being so damn ornery, you wouldn’t get into as many fights, and I wouldn’t have to keep playing your personal physician.”

Jim barks out a laugh and immediately winces as his ribs protest the movement. Bones gives him a smirk that’s borderline ‘told you so’ satisfaction. “You’ve got a lot of nerve to be calling _me_ ornery, you cantankerous bastard.”

Bones stands up from where he was kneeling on the floor and drops his medical bag onto the bed. He very obviously makes it land intentionally on Jim’s head. Jim squawks in pain. “Whatever happened to ‘do no harm’?” he moans.

“My own personal philosophy follows that line with ‘but take no shit’,” Bones replies primly, sitting on the bed. “Really Jim, how many were there this time? Four? Five?”

“Seven,” Jim mumbles petulantly. “But really, Bones. Even for civilians, harassing that poor Andorian like that. I thought people were beyond such bigotry? They had him cornered for crying out loud, the poor guy could barely move.”

The hard lines of Bones’ face soften. “Still, you could have called for help.”

“I handled it,” Jim says, giving a tiny shrug of his right shoulder. That side hurts less.

Bones just heaves another world weary sigh and starts to paw at Jim’s shirt.

“Ow! Watch it! You get fourteen feet using you as a soccer ball and then have someone try to rip your clothes off.”

With a level stare, Bones presses his lips together. “Fine, you start working on buttons and I’ll start healing your ugly mug.”

He presses the regenerator against Jim’s cheek and Jim yelps again. “Shit! That hurts too, Bones!”

Bones scowls at him, still leaning very close to Jim’s face. “Dammit, Jim! Where doesn’t it hurt?”

There’s a brief moment of silence between them before Jim flashes a coy smile and points at his elbow. “Here.”

It takes a second for Bones to catch on, but he rolls his eyes and presses a kiss to the point of Jim’s bent arm. Jim’s smile grows into a full blown grin as he points at his forehead, “Here,” and then his cheek, just under a bruise. “Here.”

Bones dutifully presses a light kiss to both spots and Jim can’t hold back a chuckle. “Here,” he says, voice low as he points at his lips. Bones huffs out a laugh as well, shaking his head before he leans down and gives Jim a chaste kiss that leaves Jim following after him when he pulls away.

“I cannot believe you just Indiana Jones’d me, you delinquent,” he mumbles, reaching for his regenerator.

“You make a very handsome Marion,” Jim says with a smile, leaning into Bones’ hands as he cups Jim’s face to start healing him.

“We’re not getting a monkey,” Bones preempts, when Jim goes to opens his mouth on an excited breath.

Jim visibly deflates, “You’re no fun.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a sentence prompt on my tumblr. 
> 
> Original is [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/144661876800).

Space! The final frontier! These are the voyages of--"

“THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE!” Jo yells out excitedly from her bed, arms flying up in the air.

Bones stops in the hallway to watch as Jim completes the speech, flying a little model of the Enterprise in dramatic dips and swirls around his daughter’s head.

“It’s a good thing Sulu doesn’t actually fly like that, I’d be motion sick constantly,” Bones says around a grin, leaning his shoulder against the door frame.

Jim laughs as Jo excitedly says, “Daddy! Papa Jim is telling me more adventure bedtime stories!”

“Is that so? Well, it looks like I better come in and tell them too, that way you’re getting some of the truth at least,” Bones says with mock seriousness, entering the room to sit with his two favorite people.


	27. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original prompt and fill can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/140041336360).

Jim has it all planned. Everything from waking up in time for a quickie before Bones leaves for clinic duty, to the dinner he’s going to make for when Bones gets home, to the music he’s going to have playing and the candles he’s going to light…everything is planned and ready to give Bones one hell of a Valentine’s Day.

What Jim is not prepared for is waking up 45 minutes after Bones leaves, without having realized he had left, with a pounding head and a nose that apparently no longer works. He groans and rolls over to check his comm. On the screen is a blinking message from Bones.

** >> from the sounds u were makin when u snored last night, ur gonna have 1 hell of a cold. Left meDs in bathroom. get some rest. <3 u happy vday.**

Jim can’t help a fond chuckle at Bones’ typically awful text communication, but he groans again when the action makes his sinuses throb. So he drags himself to the bathroom, pops some pills and goes to collapse in his bed again.

He wakes up in a haze a few hours later. There’s a broad warm hand on his forehead and even through his grogginess he recognizes the solid weight of Bones sitting next to him on the bed. He relishes the attention for a moment before the guilt of what’s happened washes over him.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles, shifting around so he can wrap his arms around Bones’ waist.

Bones’ hand moves to card through his hair. “Hello to you too. What are you sorry for?”

Jim snuffles, pushing into Bones’ hand. “Had a whole romantic Valentine’s Day planned out for you and I spent the day in bed, full of snot.”

Bones chuckles. “Are you feeling any better?”

Honestly, Jim does. It’s mostly the lingering effects of sleeping all day that are fogging his brain. “Yeah, your wonder meds and sleep helped.”

“Well then,” Bones leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. “That’s all I need.”


	28. Kiss on the nose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/131636772050).

“Bones…”

Leonard is three paragraphs away from finishing the chapter he’s studying.

“Bones…”

If he can block out Jim for maybe two minutes he’ll be done…just two minutes…

“Bones!”

Jim’s face appears over the back of the couch, dropping upside down into his vision and completely blocking his view of his book.

He levels him with a flat look. “Could you have not waited a second? I was nearly done.”

Jim gives him an upside down smile and jerks forward to give him a quick kiss on the nose. “No, I really couldn’t. Are you coming out to dinner or what, it’s wing night.”

Leonard wrinkles his nose and Jim laughs, pressing another kiss there before standing upright once again. “Well, with the promise of that I think studying can wait.”


	29. Return from the dead kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/131633325190).

Contrary to his ‘legendary hands’ claims, Leonard cannot work miracles. What he can do, is try. He can try the serum, he can try a higher concentration, hoping that it will work on Jim’s larger stature…just because it worked on a tribble means nothing.

But god, trying means everything.

Things seem to be taking hold in Jim’s blood if the scans can be believed. Leonard won’t relax though…he won’t breath easy until he sees the rise and fall of Jim’s chest once again, hears the monitors registering the beating of his heart. He won’t…he can’t.

Ignoring the protests of one of his nurses, (he knows he needs rest but he’ll be damned if he can get it), he sits down next to Jim’s bed once more. Things are looking up. The signs of regained life are there, but the full effect has yet to take hold.

Two hours pass when Leonard hears the soft intake of breath, the sudden steady beeping of the heart monitor. His own heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest.

Jim’s no where near out of the woods yet, but it already feels like a weight has been lifted from Leonard’s shoulders. When he sees Jim’s eyes move beneath his eyelids, he chokes out a sound that’s part laugh, part sob. 

He stands and bends over the bed, placing a kiss to Jim’s forehead and whispers: “Welcome back, kid.”


	30. You're such a bitch...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a four sentence prompt. Original can be found [here](http://offensiveagentpie.tumblr.com/post/148496829950).

They’re just past tipsy as they’re walking back to their dorm. It’s a gorgeous Fall night; the bright sparkles of Fleet shuttles are zooming overhead, Bones has his arm draped companionably around Jim’s shoulders, and the buzz of alcohol has him feeling light and fuzzy. Jim even feels bold enough to start to sneak his arm around Bones’ waist but, before he can, a bump in the sidewalk suddenly appears to ruin his plan.

He goes down and smacks his right knee hard on the pavement. Above him, in his infinite Hippocratic compassion, Bones lets out a ‘PFFT!’ of air before breaking into drunken giggles.

Jim scowls, flopping over to set his butt down on the sidewalk and examine his knee. “Man, whatever happened to a bedside manner?”

Bones tries hard to school his expression into something more serious as he kneels down to check Jim out. He fails at it miserably, but the expressions he pulls while trying to do so have Jim choking back laughter of his own.

“We’re not at a bedside though, are we?” Bones asks smugly, pushing aside the tear in Jim’s uniform pants to look at his knee.

“You’re such a bitch,” Jim says around a smile, moving his knee to the side so it bumps the arm that Bones is using to hold himself up.

Bones wavers a bit. “Takes one to know one. Looks like you’ve got a little scrape and it’s gonna bruise like hell, but you’ll live.”

“Of course I will, you’re stuck with me,” Jim smirks as Bones stands and offers him a helping hand. Once he’s up he gets his arm around Bones’ waist before any more injury can befall him.

Bones puts his around Jim’s shoulders again and tugs him close. “Wouldn’t have it any other way, kid.”


End file.
